“I don’t have what I need to do the job”, “The deadline isn’t fair”, “They’re so unpleasant in the office I hate going in.” I’ve heard these and more in recent trainings in businesses here.
It’s very common for people to feel this way but I’ve noticed a trend where people are waiting for someone else to fix things.
“Management should get me more resources”, “Someone needs to move the deadline”, “there needs to be a change in the office!” These may all be true, but sadly, and I think we all know this, they’re not likely to change.
Yes, most workplaces contain some level of unfairness, just as every other aspect of life can, but that doesn’t mean we’re powerless.
We’re paid to do the job in the hours contracted to the best of our ability. Bringing any pressure from that home or being upset going in, only hurts ourselves. That bad feeling also tends to reduce our focus and concentration which normally adds to the problem for us.
In any situation there will be things we can control and things we can’t control.
Waiting for someone else to fix things is usually a waste of time but more damaging it keeps our focus off what we can control.
When we’re fuming about unfairness and taking no action because it’s someone else’s problem to fix, we stay stuck in our frustration.
What can we do about it?
Firstly, recognise that there are 2 key elements to the issue. The workload or external situation and the stress or frustration present.
Think about it, when angry or upset do you get as much done and is it done as well? If we’re feeling calmer and more in control do we get through things more quickly and with higher quality work?
If we’re getting things done quicker and better will that reduce some of the problem?
The reality stands out clearly. When we’re less stressed, less frustrated, and more in control we can do better with what we have and be happier too.
And let’s also be clear that it’s likely you would do better with more resources, a more reasonable deadline, and a less fraught workplace, but it’s unlikely to change.
The thing you can control.
Obvious as it is to say, it’s you. Here’s where most people come off the rails with this. If they get past the waiting for someone to fix the situation and do start looking at how they can do and feel better, they are usually looking for an on or off solution.
Life isn’t binary. Stress, happiness, frustration, control, overwhelm, and flow are all continuous from bad to good. Relaxed is at one end of the scale and Overwhelmed is at the other end for example.
But when we look at it in terms of “Am I stressed” then any answer with any stress in it ticks the “stressed” box. 10% stress is still stress, whereas only 0% stressed ticks the “not stressed” box.
This black and white thinking holds us back by undermining the obvious value of moving things in the right direction. When we’re stressed we naturally become more prone to all or nothing thinking.
Could you improve things a little in the next week?
Small sustained changes tend to give the best lasting results, but it can be hard to bother.
Usually at the start we see a sizable change when we try something. When we add to that and keep going with it it’s massive.
My advice is – when overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, angry, upset about going in etc. look for whether the external cause is within your control or not. If it’s not, please make a conscious decision to stop waiting for someone else to make a change that might let you feel better.
If you can’t control the situation look for what you can control in how you engage with it. There are loads of things which help, from cognitive behavioural skills to cut stress and increase clarity and motivation, through Mindfulness, exercise etc. You have many options which will help.
Stopping waiting is where you start to take back control of how you feel and how you work.
I hope this might spark a useful thought or habit for you this week.
I’m always happy to talk to people about how life can be more productive and more fun.
Have a great week,
John
www.AchievementFulfilment.com
085 13 13 700
John Prendergast is an internationally recognised award-winning Therapist and Coach who lived decades with severe anxiety and depression before he found the help he needed to overcome those challenges and to build a happier and more successful life.
Now followed in over 100 countries and speaking internationally, John helps people from all walks of life from Army Officers, Businesspeople, and Elite Sports People to Homemakers, Entrepreneurs, and Students through 1-1 help, training, and events.
His specialist areas include: Communications, Stress and fear systems of the mind, and how these systems generate the experiences we think of as stress, overwhelm, and anxiety. He also has training in Strategic Negotiation, Public Relations, Marketing Psychology, and Cognitive Change.
